Our journey with ADHD

Let me start off by saying I think this whole ADHD label for kids these days is bullshit.

Now, that I've got that out of the way, I have done alot of thinking about ADHD, what it really means, how to handle it, and our own experiences.

I know a lot of kids who have been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, and I also know that every kid is different. Some kids are hyper, some can't concentrate or stay focused... the list goes on and on.

I am speaking solely based on our experiences with our son's ADHD.

Our youngest was in 1st grade when things started to go downhill with us and his elementary school. We started getting fairly regular phone calls, emails, and/or notes from the teachers. He won't sit still. He won't stop talking. He is disruptive in class.

So, we punished him. He knows the rules. He knows how to behave. He lost TV privileges. He lost video game privileges. He lost the toys from his room. Pretty soon, the kid could do nothing other than eat, sleep, go to school, and read. Everything else had been taken away. At school, they started taking his recess time away and making him write essays during that time.

Nothing changed.

We had meeting after meeting after meeting with the school, and it seemed like everything we suggested was immediately shot down. I realize there are 20 kids in the class, and if you do for one, you have to do for all. But, is it really asking too much to let them get out of their seats every now and then? Afterall, they are 6, 7, 8 years old. They are FULL of energy.

His second grade year was brutal. 2-3 times a week, we were getting something from the teachers. It was the same story over and over. He won't sit still. He won't stop talking. He is disruptive in class.

However, throughout all of this, his report cards were all A's and B's, so he was obviously doing something right. We stopped punishing him for every little thing that the teachers were complaining about. We started rewarding him for having a good day.

The only way we would know if he had a good day was feedback from his teachers. Well, when things are good, they are unusually quiet. No phone calls, no emails, no notes... Funny the way that works. So, we used their silly color system to gauge what kind of day he had. If he ended the day on green, we knew he had a good day.

That worked for a little while, until the school said they couldn't do that anymore. Some parent complained because their child had to change his/her color, and that was embarrassing for said child. Great! Now what?

As the year went on, we got more and more annoyed with the constant badgering from his teachers. Listening to these teachers complain made it sound like I had the devil child, and it was getting old. We escalated to the principal a few times to see if she had any ideas. That was, more often than not, a waste of our time.

So, this led us to a behaviour therapist. Is he really that bad of a kid? We did 6 sessions with the therapist. Our son was included in these sessions so the therapist could observe him while hubby and I talked with the therapist. It didn't take long for him to start taking notes... lots of them! That's not a fun process at all, but we felt like we needed to do something.

Out of all of this, our son was diagnosed as ADHD combined type.

There is ADHD Inattentive type. These are the ones that don't pay attention. They get distracted easily and have a hard time staying focused.

There is ADHD Hyperactive-impulsive type. These are the hyper ones. They are very active, fidget, talk alot, interrupt, etc.

ADHD combined type displays characteristics of both. Oh boy, were we in for it!

I'll be honest. At first, I didn't want to tell anyone about this. I felt like there was something "wrong" with him, and I wasn't sure how to deal with it. I certainly didn't want other kids catching wind of this and making fun of him. We all know how brutal kids are.

So, the school got a copy of this behaviour report, which becomes a part of his permanent file, and we promptly scheduled an appointment with our pediatrician to talk with him about what this all really means, as well as treatment options.

This is where it gets hairy. Medicating children is a touchy topic. Every parent wants to feel like they are doing the right thing, the best thing for their child, even though all parents do it differently. For some kids, medication is the way to go. For my kid, I didn't think so.

There was a comment that the behaviour therapist said to us that, to this day, stuck in my head. "ADHD medication is a form of methamphetamine." Obviously, a MUCH lower dose than what you find on the streets, but methamphetamine nonetheless.

We talked to the pediatrician, who apparently is ADHD himself. I expressed my concerns over the medication route, and he was really good about giving us the facts.

Honestly, one of the biggest driving factors for us to opt against medication was the fact that his grades were good. In spite of all these ADHD characteristics that say he should suck in school, he was getting the job done.

His biggest problem at school was the fact that he isn't quiet and doesn't sit still. So, in my mind, if we opted to medicate, we were doing it just to make him sit down and shut up. We were also told that when a kid "comes down" from the medication, he/she can be crabby and mean.

No thanks. I'll take a hyper, loud, happy kid over a crabby and mean kid any day!

I tried to picture him and how things might be different if we did medicate. School would definitely go smoother, and I wouldn't have to deal with the teachers as much. But, part of his personality was his active imagination, his wonderful story-telling, and his over abundance of energy and joy. I just couldn't take that away from him.

We enrolled him in karate with the hopes that the structure and discipline would be good for him. We started to concentrate more on explaining to him why he has to be quiet sometimes or why he needs to control himself, rather than just trying to "turn him off".

He's in 4th grade now. We talked to his teachers at the beginning of the school year to let them know what they were getting with our kid. We warned them that he doesn't take medication and just politely asked that they work with us to help him learn to control himself better.

Wow, what a difference a couple of years make. And, what a difference it makes having teachers who understand kids and allow them to be kids. Our little guy loves school again.

In fact, I received an email from his teacher this week. Here's what it said:

"I just wanted to let you know that ____ is doing a great job in class. I am so very proud of his accomplishments in writing! His grades are really picking up! "

Those of you who have been there while we've suffered through this are probably just as surprised as I was by this email. And, even more surprising is that I've gotten several of these throughout the school year this year. You mean teachers really do let parents know when their kids are doing something right? I never knew! I can't thank his teachers enough for their part in helping him to learn to love school again and be successful!

I don't cringe anymore when I see the school's name on my caller ID or when his teacher's name appears in my inbox. That's a great feeling.

And, to those of you who may be struggling through this. It gets better! We still have a hyper, talkative kid. He always will be. But, what's most important, is that we've realized, there's nothing wrong with him. He's a healthy, active BOY, and I won't let the school take that away from him.

So, behaviour therapist guy, and not so helpful teachers and principals, you can take the ADHD label and shove it!